Something New

She looked over her class of students with a friendly smile. "Do you guys want to hear a story?" she asked in a pleasantly musical tone. Many of the students nodded vigorously and she nodded back. "Okay." She pulled up a chair and sat it backwards toward the students as they crowded on the floor in front of her. She rested her elbows on the back of the chair and set her cheeks in her hands. She glanced around the class at the students before beginning.

I had the idea (she began) to type about an epiphany I had. ("Now," she interrupted the story for a moment, "remember, this isn't about me, it just sounds better this way.") Well, my computer started being amazingly slow so I went to search for some gummy dinosaurs. My original plan had been to type and end with, "And now I'm going to hunt down some gummy dinos." But instead I decided that my computer would be to the right screen by the time I got back so I went out and, since I couldn't find gummy dinosaurs, I ended up with gummy worms. But anyway, the original intent.
I remember not so long ago when I walked by a mirror and when I glanced in it I just sighed and shrugged. I never had a high opinion of my looks. I was one of those people that only felt confident in my car or my brother's car. Now I can walk by a mirror in any outfit and actually nod. Yes, on occasion there are times when I think that something could be improved but for the most part I can actually smile just a little bit. I know who it is that I have to thank for this gradual but big change, too. It started way back in freshman year where I first met Amelia. She has always been there and I believe she always will be there for me. We've had so much fun and she has always been there to tell me that "yes, you are beautiful." and we've been through so much together, the good and the bad, and we are so alike that I've learned a lot from her. She taught me that not everything is going to go right and when something does go wrong its not the end of the world and though I may get hurt I will heal and its no reason to shut myself off from the world. Yes, there have been many many times where I have been so jealous that I wished I never met her but thats just the way I am and everyone knows I never mean it. Jealousy is simply admiration by someone who is insecure. I miss this girl a lot and I appreciate so much how she has helped me figure out my life and go from a kid to an adult in the 3 years I've known her. Between the constant "I love you"s and the hugs and all the tears, I can't imagine life without her.
Another person I know I have to thank is someone I never knew I would be friends with. Someone I knew only vaugely for years and if it weren't for a few incidents, one that scared the everliving daylights out of me and the other that made me laugh, I don't think I would know this person. I suppose its time to give this person a name, so I will. Andrew. He started out as a friend of my brothers and ended up as a very good friend of mine. He's the one that convinced me that it is okay to like what I like and it is okay to work on cars even though I was told by my brother, who has lightened up, that there was no way he was going to let his sister take auto or work on cars. He also taught me that beauty isn't exactly what I thought it was. He's been there almost as much as Amelia, and considering that he and I haven't been close for nearly as long, thats amazing. Even though things are rough sometimes, he helped continue the lesson that Amelia started that just because things go wrong is no reason to conceal myself from the world. A lot of our conversations are very serious, and a lot of the time its about things I don't really want to discuss but we do anyway and it turns out just fine. I actually talk now instead of just write and hide it away. Not that there aren't still times I don't pull out the old notebook and pen and just write until there's nothing left to write about. Just like Amelia, Andrew has been there for me and I know he will be there when I need him.
Another person, one previously mentioned, is my brother. When we were little he was just a pain who got me in trouble but I now realize what that has taught me. I wouldn't be the person I am today if he hadn't done all the things he did. The times he did let me hang out, but then again the times he didn't, it depended on what they were doin. I now know that a lot of the times he didn't let me hang out were to protect me or himself and I appreciate that. There are a lot of things you see as you get older and look back as compared to the way you thought then. I'm kind of glad he gave me a hard time, I wouldn't be the punk-ass I am now. I wouldn't know how to deal the way I do, and I really appreciate all he's done for me. He has lightened up quite a bit and his manner showed that he did notice how much I've grown up when he showed me how to change oil a few weeks ago. I also noticed how much he's learned from being with his girlfriend Molly, who was inside at the time. She has changed him a lot and I have to admit it is for the better. As much as I resent having my brother "taken away" I realize that she isn't taking him away she is only being part of what we have and I'm a good girl I learned how to share. Especially recently, I've gotten over being jealous, I realize that people have other friends than me and that their lives don't revolve around me. (Yeah, this is a Ryan lesson, I"ve heard it many times.) So I've learned to share my brother and I know that since he is my brother he's not going to just disappear off the face of the earth. I know that Ryan will continue to learn and to teach, especially as I get out of high school and pick a career, and I have to admit I'm looking forward to playing some pong with him in college, because he promised I could come hang out and don't you think I'm going to let him forget it. So yeah, I love Ryan, and I know he's going to be there as a brother and eventually as a friend.
The most surprising person out of all of this is someone I just met recently. Though I know mentioning him will put up a lot of controversy it doesn't really matter. When I first met Kevin we had talked a little bit over text and it was always very playful conversation. When I first ran by him, looked up at him, I paused for a moment because the second we made eye contact I felt a click. Since I was running almost full out I couldn't completely stop and stare but I did pause in stride. Since then we've talked more and our conversations, though usually playful, have become more serious. There's always a good morning and a good night, and a lot of words in between. He's another that doesn't go a day without a "beautiful" or "gorgeous", "baby", "sexy", or countless other terms including my favorite "punk" that never fail to make me smile. While the others have worked on mental status and thought processes, this is the guy who really has emphasized that yes I am beautiful and not just a personality. That sounds superficial but if you think about it its something that a girl needs to hear.
Its because of these people I can walk by a mirror and smile and nod instead of just shrug and I know life wouldn't be as good without them.

She clasped her hands and looked about the class. "And?" she asked. She got several smiles in return. As she picked up her bag and slipped it over her shoulder she flipped her hair and smiled. Her heels clicked lightly as she walked out the door.

Spiralling
Mood:  down
Now Playing: silence
Topic: Opener
Aren flicked her long black hair over her shoulder, her eyes darting back and forth nervously. It was happening again, this feeling. Irrational fear...or, this made it more terrfying, perhaps rational fear. Her fingers tapped the wheel, long, slender, and tipped with electric blue nails that sparked contrastingly with the black wheel. Her foot tipped on the gas pedal and her concentration narrowed, making the speed she was going seem much out of place. This fear she felt was confusing to her. She thought she was over it but why was it coming back? His actions, his words...she wondered what she was really getting into, or what it was she had gotten into. Aren slowed for a stop sign, her eyes shifting this way and that. She felt as though she had very little control over the situation and that scared her. Aren was once again spiralling into very dangerous waters, and though she was always up and ready for danger...she didn't know how close she wanted to be to this one.

Trio
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: silence
Topic: Opener

{A/N: This was written quite some time ago but I feel it fits quite well right now. The next blog will have Aren as a main character but although the name is the same the character is not.}

Aimee looked around the room, her eyes roving over the two boys standing near her. The blonde boy slung his arm around her shoulder seductively. Aimee rolled her eyes and slipped out from under his arm. "Aren, get a life."

Aren looked taken aback, but didn’t pursue his advances further. The other boy, dark haired and dressed in black, leaned in the corner, a silver cloak draped around his shoulders. Aimee looked at him, wondering what was going through his mind. The boy in the corner caught her gaze and held it. Aimee blushed and looked away. The dark haired boy set his balance and walked toward Aimee, his silver cloak flicking around his ankles like water around rocks. Aimee stayed set as the dark haired boy approached. The boy stopped right in front of Aimee and looked at her.

Aren spoke up. "Alan, don’t tempt her."

Alan looked at Aren and smirked. ‘Since when do I ever try?" he brushed past Aimee and headed toward the door. Aimee flashed Aren a look of contempt and followed Alan out.

Left Behind
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: Far Away - Nickelback
Topic: Opener

{a/n: I'll be switching in and out of styles, depending on whether I prefer to use my own voice or if I feel the need to use Glory's. }

She tilted her chin forward, looking out the clear windshield at the glowing moon. It was gorgeous in the night sky, contrary to the turmoil going on under its light. The Cougar was as black as the night and as smooth as velvet. She wanted to go driving, sort herself out, calm down, but the chances of that were slim to none and more on the none side than the slim. The week was over and they were leaving. A tear slid down her cheek as she thought about it. It was like losing all over again...She thought again of the fact that she could never win and tipped her head to the side slightly with a shrug. As usual she had disillusioned herself into thinking she'd be able to handle herself and not show any of how she felt.

i'll finish later...

Dark
Now Playing: Everything You Want- Vertical Horizon

Yes, but another work from yours truly. One from my heart to yours, but more from my heart to the world. Pay it little attention, much attention, or even no attention whatsoever. That is up to you. Welcome to a small piece of my life...noth that its somewhere you want to be.
Yours,
Cougar 

The tears fell like rain from her gray eyes. The wonderful happiness from the few hours earlier was long gone. She felt almost as she had the night she'd lost one she had considered a friend. it had occured to her that the last time she had felt that happy it had gone wrong. As her mind continued on the subject she realized that she would never be truly happy. She would just have to pick someone she wasn't happy with and accept the inevitability of being unhappy. Vertical Horizon really knew what they were talking about when they said, "He's everything you want, he's everything you need, he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. He says all the right things at exactly the right time and he means nothing to you and you don't know why." Basically, he's perfect but you don't love him. Contrary to popular belief thats not okay. if someone is perfect for you and he likes you then it doesn't matter who you like, things will go to hell if you odn't just deal with it and date him. however, one must remember that this goes both ways. Males, unfortunatley have the ultimate control. If a girl likes them it doesn't matter, they will go with whomever the like. Vertical Horizon also said this best. "I am everything you want, I am everything you need, I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things, at exactly the right times, but I mean nothing to you and I don't know why." Its occured to me that yes it is true, I am unable to find someone I can be happy with, I am not one of the chosen lucky few. Though that chnce seemed to be within reach it was quickly pulled out of reach by an ouside party. yes, I am well aware that I"ve slipped out of my previous style. She sighed, the lihts far too bright for her sensitive eyes at the moment. She ran a hand under her eyes to clear the excess moisture and eyeliner. She stumbled through the snow in the field in which she had been kneeling in the middle of. She wasn't physically tired but emotionally at her limit. She slid into the sleek black sports car and started the powerful engine. It wasn't long before the heat kicked on and she slowly became warm, ceasing her shivering. Once she was warm and the tears and shivering stopped she looked in the rear-view mirror and reapplied eyeliner without paying much attention. She put the car in gear smoothly and began rolling. When she reached the end of the road she came to a stop, looking both ways on the deserted road. When she began letting off the clutch to pull onto the road she caught a glimpse of her own eyes. The tears had changed the soft gray to ice-blue, clear and cold, encircled with black darker than the night sky, reflecting the way she felt deep in her heart.

Another work from an ice-cold, blue heart -
Yours,
Cougar

After the Storm
Now Playing: Baba O'Riley
Topic: Opener

{a/n: its occured to me that I am slacking in the "listening to" and "mood" departments. Oops, sorry. Seeing as a lot of that is important to the effect of the story, I'll try to step up. I will mention that I need to be more detailed on my written accounts because its getting really hard to figure out what was written on what date, among other things.}

No one could wipe the grin off her face as the black car hurtled down the road, blending in with the night except for the blazing catty headlights. She bit her bottom lip cutely still grinning. Her body grooved to the music, moving sinuously. When she finally returned to her own home everything was still dark, thankfully. Once in the door she finished her text and pulled her boots off. She gathered her things from the counter and took them to her room where she set them on the floor at the foot of her bed. She then changed into shorts and a tank-top to sleep in, wriggling out of the tight jeans. She went down the stairs to brush her teeth, nearly skipping. On the way back up she kicked up her heels and giggled. She returned to her room and slid her knees under the covers on her bed, grabbing a reeses and her notebook and pencil. As she settled down to write, she smiled. At this rate, she would never get to sleep.
yours,
Cougar

Jealous
Now Playing: NCIS
She played with her hairtie and was deep in thought. Firstly, she had to type up previous writings at some point soon and title them. She hated the pencis she was using, the kind that had to be sharpened. Her mechanical pencil had run out of lead earlier so she was stuck using htis one. She thought about her current posessive streak toward people. She thought about how much fun it would be if they all hung out but even as she knew and wanted that she couldn't get oer being jealous. the work they had to do was irritating. She just wanted to sit and write her thoughts down. She was tired, for sme reason. Perhaps after practice she would sleep before hitting the streets. She almost wrote her class notes on the wrong sheet. She hoped the notes were over quickly so she could nap during homework time. At least the pain from the morning was almost gone. She sighed inwardly. She needed to quit being so jealous, she didn't own her friends...acquantinces? hopefully the notes were over...they were. She closed her notebook and put her head on the desk...nap time.
yours,
Cougar

Rough Around the Edges
Now Playing: NCIS

She was cold. The t-shirt she wore underneath the zipped-up coat wasn't much protection from the lightly-heated building. She was tired, and had to spend all day with her friend, when she wanted a moment alone to check her email for pictures. Earlier in her engish class, her construcive criticism, which they were supposed to listen to, had been immediately shot down with what she thought was baseless. She put her hood up during that class to ward off the cold. She had minimal comment thouh the rest of the defenses because she didn't feel the need to be mocked. Her emotions were always low when she was slightly cold for a long period of time with now way to get warm.
yours,
Cougar

A picture is worth a thousand words...
Now Playing: NCIS

She opened the email and smiled. The first pictures was cute, he looked relaxed. As she scrolled down, her smile remained. "Wow," she commented to herself, "you need a haircut, boy." She scrolled down further and her jaw dropped. The "white boy" was a hot white boy! His face was cute but add that to the rest of him and wow! She was a little surprised. She hadn't been expecting that. Her day was pretty much made now. She shook her head and grinned. Hot damn he was sexy. All through her next class she couldn't keep the grin off her face. Those pictures were on her mind unceasingly. Perhaps he had been correct in some comments. She couldn't wait for the class to end so she could leave. She fully planned on going straight home and openin the pictures again, though blown up so she could see more detail.
yours-
Cougar

Short
Now Playing: News

{A/N: I continue the author's note from the previous entry about typos to this one.}

She was in pain. She didn't deal well with pain. Not only was she in pain, she was cold. The cold made her tense, increasing the severity of the pain. It was bearable, just a stabbing ache. She needed to find him, see if he could do as she asked and perhaps be able to fix her. The pain exhausted what little energy she had. The lack of movement irritated her, she wanted to be free to moe. A breath calmed her slightly, she looked for something to distract her. A conersation came up, distracting her for only a moment. If it continued much longer she would start to freak out a bit. She tried to ignore it but was having no such luck. The dull ache penetrated deep into the joint, tricking her mind into thinking nothing could be done. She sighed and pulled out her homework.